2012

     As I look out at the white landscape that has laid down to rest upon the browning grasses, I wonder what 2012 will hold in future for me this year. 2011 was a good year, low key, lots of positives for people around me. Sometimes I worry when things are going well because you know that life can't stay that way so its important to treasure those positive times.
    I feel like I have turned another corner of marriage this past year. They say how marriage is up and down, takes work and sometimes you just have to stick it out to see the new growth that might be buried underneath the ground. That is what I feel like this past year was for me, in the past  month I am seeing the green shoots and even the rose bud of what holding to something even in times of darkness can turn into.  This past year has taught me how important family is, not taking things for granted, and that everywhere around you people care, even when you don't know it. I think that is one of the most beautiful things of life, when you really care and love people, that is when I feel most complete. And when I let them know that they mean something to me. How often we do not tell all of our friends and loved ones how much they mean to us. Maybe because its too big for words? How can I possibly explain to all of my friends and family that fire I feel in my soul for how grateful I am for everyone of them in my life. How each of them teaches me about myself, how if anyone ever needed me there in a crisis I would be there because I know they would do the same for me. What would this world be without the people around us, nothing but a vast ugly hole because that is the true reality of this life. Love for people.
     Since my uncles funeral, I was able to see Randy in a light of love, sometimes that is clouded over with life's anxieties and stresses but I have to say that is what Uncle Carl has given me in his passing.  Randy was there to drive my parents, to comfort all of us, to meet this part of the family he has never even known yet he did it with love and respect.  And I was like wow, this is who his soul is, this is the real him, not the stressed him. And the neat thing is ever since I feel like we have been positive re enforcing each other. And as with every relationship, I know things cycle and we will go through our lows again but for right now I'm resting in the peace and tranquility of this stage and I am so gracious for it.