Monday, December 24, 2012
Card
Tonight randy and I opened Christmas presents- he got me a few things but my fav was a beautiful card he picked out and a poem he wrote inside. It was one of the best gifts I had ever been given. And it makes me realize how material things do not matter even though they r fun. But eventually the gifts get boring, break down or go out of date. But the written word, the beauty of a card will never phase out. And it's one of those things that I will find, read years later and it will bring tears to my eyes. That is what Jesus meant for us when we exchange gifts for Christmas. That sums it all up.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Shooting and abortions
Our we a society of hypocrites? The recent school shooting has many upset because a boy took the life of many innocent young children. Shall I raise the issue of (play dramatic music)abortion? Are we not taking the lives of many young children? This is always a fun issue because people are so afraid to speak their mind. First of all, until you are pregant, you will not fully understand the issue. And yes I will say that and piss some of you off. I was one of them! It's easy from a sideline view to spat out your views on pregnancy and abortion. But until you witness hearing the heartbeat of a little miracle in your belly then you really have no idea.
I remember back in college, I thought I was pregnant. I sat in the waiting room to get a test and await the outcome. While sitting in the waiting room, I was thinking would I get an abortion? Mostly because I thought of how disappointed my family would be for getting pregnant, how upset society would be that I was ruining my college career. I saw a little boy who was maybe three years old looking at me and the gaze he gave me decided my answer. I can't explain in words but it was like his soul spoke to me and I realized right then and there the amazing life of a child. I could not take an innocent life because of my own selfishness.
Luckily I was not pregnant and upon getting older I have realized, its very hard to get pregnant! And even when we do get pregnant, many times the pregnancy will not even go through. I wonder how many women have gone and had abortions and in the end their pregnancy would have ended itself anyways.
After being pregnant three times (and two ending in miscarriages) I have realized the amazing miracle of a child. That this little person evolves out of your genes, that it's a little you who grows up to have their own views and opinions. Who are we to decide that they should not be a part of this world. How selfish of us to think that we know what is best for them. What if someone had decided we shouldn't have had the right to live?
I have a friend that works with the youth group at her church. Her mother almost aborted her and she thanks her mother every day that she decided to keep her. We never know who that little person is going to grow up to become. How God is going to use that little soul.
I also have many friends that would give a million dollars for a baby but cannot get pregnant. There are SO many parents that would adopt these children. Instead parents are left going over sea's and adopting children of other countries because our little babies aren't being born and given that chance.
How is taking the lives of children at an elementary school by a mad mass shooter any different then our selfish decision to end the life of a child we haven't even met yet. Some argue the rape and incest cases and my heart goes out to someone in that predicament but even then, we shouldn't be the ones to play God on deciding if that little life is worth living or not.
I think we need to stop being so chicken on our stance. We say "well I wouldn't get an abortion but I think a woman should choose". What kind of cop out answer is that? The problem with our generation is we do not take responsibility for our actions. We want to have fun, without any repurcussions. If you would not take the life of your own child then you need to take that stance on the issue.
We need to educate women that are in the middle of the crisis. They aren't thinking logically, just as I was at one time. They are thinking of society, parents, job, etc. There are so many programs to help women that they will not be left alone to fend the wolves themselves. We need to educate that ending the life of a baby doesn't just end with the day you leave the clinic. It will stay and haunt you for the rest of your life. I know two people in my life that had abortions and they can never let it go. It's a heavy burden to carry that you don't realize when your in the thick of it. It will morph into other areas of your life and destruct.
This all ties into my post from yesterday about our values. I believe in God and I know that many of you do not and that is fine, I'm not going to argue with you because I can't change your mind. But he is real, he has brought me out of dark times of my life, he has given me grace, he has brought me peace, he has brought a good soul of a husband, an amazing child, a loving family. I have seeen his work through the people he passes through all the way to the yellow finches at my bird feeder. Am I just on a God rambling post right now? No because it all ties together. When you believe in a higher power, you are going to be in one with the universe. You are going to see each life as precious, you will love in endless possibilites. Your values are going to be lined up so that you can handle what life throws at you. You are going to forgive the people around you just as God forgives us for the wrongs we do.
Why make life any harder then it is? Why NOT have God in your life? All he does is help so why would you not want to have alittle extra help? That is what blows my mind and frustrates me. It's easier with him in it so why not? Are you afraid of being loved so fully and perfectly? What are you afraid of that you can't let him inside. Why do you think you need to "handle" life all on your own instead of alittle extra help from the big guy. Life is really too short, I have already witnessed how physical illness will take someone quickly, how greed rips a close family to shreds, and how our own pride can bind us up so tight that we can't see how simple life is. May our eyes be unblinded and we fully see.
I remember back in college, I thought I was pregnant. I sat in the waiting room to get a test and await the outcome. While sitting in the waiting room, I was thinking would I get an abortion? Mostly because I thought of how disappointed my family would be for getting pregnant, how upset society would be that I was ruining my college career. I saw a little boy who was maybe three years old looking at me and the gaze he gave me decided my answer. I can't explain in words but it was like his soul spoke to me and I realized right then and there the amazing life of a child. I could not take an innocent life because of my own selfishness.
Luckily I was not pregnant and upon getting older I have realized, its very hard to get pregnant! And even when we do get pregnant, many times the pregnancy will not even go through. I wonder how many women have gone and had abortions and in the end their pregnancy would have ended itself anyways.
After being pregnant three times (and two ending in miscarriages) I have realized the amazing miracle of a child. That this little person evolves out of your genes, that it's a little you who grows up to have their own views and opinions. Who are we to decide that they should not be a part of this world. How selfish of us to think that we know what is best for them. What if someone had decided we shouldn't have had the right to live?
I have a friend that works with the youth group at her church. Her mother almost aborted her and she thanks her mother every day that she decided to keep her. We never know who that little person is going to grow up to become. How God is going to use that little soul.
I also have many friends that would give a million dollars for a baby but cannot get pregnant. There are SO many parents that would adopt these children. Instead parents are left going over sea's and adopting children of other countries because our little babies aren't being born and given that chance.
How is taking the lives of children at an elementary school by a mad mass shooter any different then our selfish decision to end the life of a child we haven't even met yet. Some argue the rape and incest cases and my heart goes out to someone in that predicament but even then, we shouldn't be the ones to play God on deciding if that little life is worth living or not.
I think we need to stop being so chicken on our stance. We say "well I wouldn't get an abortion but I think a woman should choose". What kind of cop out answer is that? The problem with our generation is we do not take responsibility for our actions. We want to have fun, without any repurcussions. If you would not take the life of your own child then you need to take that stance on the issue.
We need to educate women that are in the middle of the crisis. They aren't thinking logically, just as I was at one time. They are thinking of society, parents, job, etc. There are so many programs to help women that they will not be left alone to fend the wolves themselves. We need to educate that ending the life of a baby doesn't just end with the day you leave the clinic. It will stay and haunt you for the rest of your life. I know two people in my life that had abortions and they can never let it go. It's a heavy burden to carry that you don't realize when your in the thick of it. It will morph into other areas of your life and destruct.
This all ties into my post from yesterday about our values. I believe in God and I know that many of you do not and that is fine, I'm not going to argue with you because I can't change your mind. But he is real, he has brought me out of dark times of my life, he has given me grace, he has brought me peace, he has brought a good soul of a husband, an amazing child, a loving family. I have seeen his work through the people he passes through all the way to the yellow finches at my bird feeder. Am I just on a God rambling post right now? No because it all ties together. When you believe in a higher power, you are going to be in one with the universe. You are going to see each life as precious, you will love in endless possibilites. Your values are going to be lined up so that you can handle what life throws at you. You are going to forgive the people around you just as God forgives us for the wrongs we do.
Why make life any harder then it is? Why NOT have God in your life? All he does is help so why would you not want to have alittle extra help? That is what blows my mind and frustrates me. It's easier with him in it so why not? Are you afraid of being loved so fully and perfectly? What are you afraid of that you can't let him inside. Why do you think you need to "handle" life all on your own instead of alittle extra help from the big guy. Life is really too short, I have already witnessed how physical illness will take someone quickly, how greed rips a close family to shreds, and how our own pride can bind us up so tight that we can't see how simple life is. May our eyes be unblinded and we fully see.
Monday, December 17, 2012
The recent shooting, a few thoughts on society....
December 17, 2012
(This is my point of view, I know that some who read this will disagree with certain things but I just wanted to voice what was on my heart and what I believe.)
Recently there was an elementary school shooting in Connecticut. Innocent lives were taken by a boy who came in and shot his mother and young children in the classrooms. This has brought about tremendous amounts of issues on facebook ranging from gun control, mental disabilities and fear in living our everyday lives. I have to say I might need to unplug from Facebook until it all settles down because every time I get on to read it's causing my blood to boil on the ignorance of our nation.
Eight years ago I probably would have been one of those naive citizens who thought stricter gun control would be the "answer" to these tragedies we keep enduring. I never had held a gun and I did not know anything on laws of gun ownership. Until my husband, a gun enthusiast, came into my life. It was not until a year into our marriage that he let on to how he enjoyed this hobby. At first like any uneducated person would do, I freaked out! What a gun in our house? Our you kidding me? Is it loaded and in the basement?
After years (yes it took me years to get used to the fact) I am now on the other side of the fence. He keeps it locked up, never loaded, ammunition in another place. He never brings it out in front of our 6 year old son. He never will show it to me loaded. He has taught me the correct way to hold and all the safety regulations that go along with it at the shooting range. He continually educates our son on the danger that guns can cause if used incorrectly and when our son becomes of age he will take him to classes that correctly discipline and educate a young boy on this weapon that can be fatal if used improperly.
When our ancestors first came to this country, I'm sure every young child knew how to shoot his fathers rifle in order to hunt food to provide for the family. The difference back then was that these children had respect for their elders, respect for the weapon they used. I'm sure it is safe to say that if they ever were out of line with the weapon then they probably would have had their bottom spanked red and a loss of privilege of using the rifle.
This brings me to another subject of safety. Any logical person will have their firearms correctly stored in their home. I also would not allow a firearm to be in our house if we had a child that had mental issues. We need to have more education on gun SAFETY instead of gun control. History has continually repeated itself, what happens when we try to take something away or strictly regulate it? It is still available out there and in a way that is not guarded. The real issue here is not stricter gun control. The real issue comes down to where is our society going in our values.
We need to be spending time with our children, not working extravagant jobs to pay for big houses that we end up not spending anytime in. We need to be talking with our children about the values our ancestors had and installing them in the following generations. We need to educate our kids about the violence and destruction that comes out of bad decisions and ways to deal with life when it doesn't work out as it should. Working with the youth at my church, that is the biggest need I'm a seeing. Children do not have outlets to deal in the proper way with the things life is starting to throw at them in a real young age.
And what comes out in situations like this is fear. I have already heard two friends speak of their real fear of something happening to their own children. We can't walk around this earth living in fear, at any moment we can be hit by a drunk driver, we could die in a plane crash, we could be stricken with a disease or illness of our physical body. There are going to be constant things in this life that if we start fearing, we won't be living. What is the root of this whole school shooting issue? It's having values, respect and love.
It's praying for the victims and the innocent people involved, it's listening to when our children are crying out for our attention. It's having a faith that God has good plans for us in this life but that we need to respect life itself.
Sincerely,
Colleen Rusnak
(This is my point of view, I know that some who read this will disagree with certain things but I just wanted to voice what was on my heart and what I believe.)
Recently there was an elementary school shooting in Connecticut. Innocent lives were taken by a boy who came in and shot his mother and young children in the classrooms. This has brought about tremendous amounts of issues on facebook ranging from gun control, mental disabilities and fear in living our everyday lives. I have to say I might need to unplug from Facebook until it all settles down because every time I get on to read it's causing my blood to boil on the ignorance of our nation.
Eight years ago I probably would have been one of those naive citizens who thought stricter gun control would be the "answer" to these tragedies we keep enduring. I never had held a gun and I did not know anything on laws of gun ownership. Until my husband, a gun enthusiast, came into my life. It was not until a year into our marriage that he let on to how he enjoyed this hobby. At first like any uneducated person would do, I freaked out! What a gun in our house? Our you kidding me? Is it loaded and in the basement?
After years (yes it took me years to get used to the fact) I am now on the other side of the fence. He keeps it locked up, never loaded, ammunition in another place. He never brings it out in front of our 6 year old son. He never will show it to me loaded. He has taught me the correct way to hold and all the safety regulations that go along with it at the shooting range. He continually educates our son on the danger that guns can cause if used incorrectly and when our son becomes of age he will take him to classes that correctly discipline and educate a young boy on this weapon that can be fatal if used improperly.
When our ancestors first came to this country, I'm sure every young child knew how to shoot his fathers rifle in order to hunt food to provide for the family. The difference back then was that these children had respect for their elders, respect for the weapon they used. I'm sure it is safe to say that if they ever were out of line with the weapon then they probably would have had their bottom spanked red and a loss of privilege of using the rifle.
This brings me to another subject of safety. Any logical person will have their firearms correctly stored in their home. I also would not allow a firearm to be in our house if we had a child that had mental issues. We need to have more education on gun SAFETY instead of gun control. History has continually repeated itself, what happens when we try to take something away or strictly regulate it? It is still available out there and in a way that is not guarded. The real issue here is not stricter gun control. The real issue comes down to where is our society going in our values.
We need to be spending time with our children, not working extravagant jobs to pay for big houses that we end up not spending anytime in. We need to be talking with our children about the values our ancestors had and installing them in the following generations. We need to educate our kids about the violence and destruction that comes out of bad decisions and ways to deal with life when it doesn't work out as it should. Working with the youth at my church, that is the biggest need I'm a seeing. Children do not have outlets to deal in the proper way with the things life is starting to throw at them in a real young age.
And what comes out in situations like this is fear. I have already heard two friends speak of their real fear of something happening to their own children. We can't walk around this earth living in fear, at any moment we can be hit by a drunk driver, we could die in a plane crash, we could be stricken with a disease or illness of our physical body. There are going to be constant things in this life that if we start fearing, we won't be living. What is the root of this whole school shooting issue? It's having values, respect and love.
It's praying for the victims and the innocent people involved, it's listening to when our children are crying out for our attention. It's having a faith that God has good plans for us in this life but that we need to respect life itself.
Sincerely,
Colleen Rusnak
Monday, December 10, 2012
Piano melody soothes over my weary unrested body. Have to wonder what all this is for- we drive our metal machines to a job that's making the big man money while we r merely the mice running on the wheel. What inspires your true happiness and contentment?
I immediately feel a mirage of sunshine warming my skin and hear the beach waves roll and eagerly race to dance with my toes.
I hear a giggle escape from my son as he watches a squirrel eagerly racing around for the last buried nut. The strum of guitar strings as they make beauty of of air, the sound swirling and warming my soul like a hot cup of chai.
Journaling with my God, feeling his peace trancend down and comfort my worries, he etches my pencil with words of wisdom as to what direction to head. These are the feelings of happiness and the memories that carry them like little hot air balloons. Yet how do we stay in this world of sugar canes and skittle paths while we walk in the real world that pops my little balloons.
I immediately feel a mirage of sunshine warming my skin and hear the beach waves roll and eagerly race to dance with my toes.
I hear a giggle escape from my son as he watches a squirrel eagerly racing around for the last buried nut. The strum of guitar strings as they make beauty of of air, the sound swirling and warming my soul like a hot cup of chai.
Journaling with my God, feeling his peace trancend down and comfort my worries, he etches my pencil with words of wisdom as to what direction to head. These are the feelings of happiness and the memories that carry them like little hot air balloons. Yet how do we stay in this world of sugar canes and skittle paths while we walk in the real world that pops my little balloons.
Monday, November 26, 2012
Friday, June 29, 2012
To learn how you can snap pictures and capture videos with your wireless phone visit www.verizonwireless.com/picture.
Note: To play video messages sent to email, Quicktime@ 6.5 or higher is required.
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Truth
its funny how people walk around without spilling the truth that pours from their souls. What if we all had a cloud above our head that said what we were really feeling. Instead we hold it inside until it starts to bubble over like a saucepan full of pasta. Its fine one minute and the next you look and its overflowing, unstoppable unless you lower the heat or remove it from the stovetop.
If the cloud were above my head it would read: "irish girl..creative, brunette, love my husband and son, sometimes son drives me insane, other times I look at amazement at the miracle he is, love the movie theatre, i work to pay the bills, my money doesn't do much but it helps. We basically live on one income and yes in debt, like so many of you who don't admit it, come from family of suceeders, sometimes feel like the black sheep, bought too big of a house,but hey is any house affordable now adays? love to drink wine, love alone time, love my friends and really love my friends who don't hear from me but know its not because of them but because of stuff I'm going through, sometimes life really really really sucks. Outside influences drag you down and your responsible for stuff that you don't want to be responsible for.
Sick of selfish people, sick of feeling guilty, sick of sometimes feeling sick.
Love love Love....animals, painting, gardening, music,water,yoga, GOD
they bring me peace and tranquility. They never judge, argue, demand "TRUE FEELINGS", they just accept you where you are and what you are feeling and offer you acceptance in that place.
I was thinking the other day how one of the things I love about Randy is he NEVER judges me. He accepts me everyday how I am, what i'm feeling, what I dream and aspire. He reads my soul and knows without me trying to explain. (ok we are not talking about putting the dishes in the dishwasher, yes there are some limitations of men :). But overall, I can count on him. It just works and its easy. I've heard sayings that "relationships aren't easy...they take work"..ya i get it in some sense, there have been up and downs in our relationship but overall...truth the shit we have been through, heck ya its been easy. How many of your relationships can you say are easy? How many can you say you don't ever feel judged? How many have been through the stressful ringers of life and have lived through it?
I just really wish the world would be more truthful. Admit when it sucks so we can offer support to those having a hard time. its a revolver, sometimes its great and sometimes it sucks. the good thing is it always turns and you know you get through it and it gives you the gift of wisdom.
Suck it up, live the truth....
If the cloud were above my head it would read: "irish girl..creative, brunette, love my husband and son, sometimes son drives me insane, other times I look at amazement at the miracle he is, love the movie theatre, i work to pay the bills, my money doesn't do much but it helps. We basically live on one income and yes in debt, like so many of you who don't admit it, come from family of suceeders, sometimes feel like the black sheep, bought too big of a house,but hey is any house affordable now adays? love to drink wine, love alone time, love my friends and really love my friends who don't hear from me but know its not because of them but because of stuff I'm going through, sometimes life really really really sucks. Outside influences drag you down and your responsible for stuff that you don't want to be responsible for.
Sick of selfish people, sick of feeling guilty, sick of sometimes feeling sick.
Love love Love....animals, painting, gardening, music,water,yoga, GOD
they bring me peace and tranquility. They never judge, argue, demand "TRUE FEELINGS", they just accept you where you are and what you are feeling and offer you acceptance in that place.
I was thinking the other day how one of the things I love about Randy is he NEVER judges me. He accepts me everyday how I am, what i'm feeling, what I dream and aspire. He reads my soul and knows without me trying to explain. (ok we are not talking about putting the dishes in the dishwasher, yes there are some limitations of men :). But overall, I can count on him. It just works and its easy. I've heard sayings that "relationships aren't easy...they take work"..ya i get it in some sense, there have been up and downs in our relationship but overall...truth the shit we have been through, heck ya its been easy. How many of your relationships can you say are easy? How many can you say you don't ever feel judged? How many have been through the stressful ringers of life and have lived through it?
I just really wish the world would be more truthful. Admit when it sucks so we can offer support to those having a hard time. its a revolver, sometimes its great and sometimes it sucks. the good thing is it always turns and you know you get through it and it gives you the gift of wisdom.
Suck it up, live the truth....
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Extinguished
extinguished..when I ponder about this word I think of putting a fire out. Often fires can be harmful and dangerous and so extinguishing them is a good thing. In my case its my soul's energy that feels that way right now. I feel like I'm giving so much to all of those around me that I'm just depleted. I have felt this way in the past esp when my son was younger and maybe I'm feeling it more now because he is out of school and my time with him is nonstop.
Its more then that though, I'm dealing with a change of tides with family. Things have shifted and now I have to take on a role that I have been absent from for many years. And quite honestly its exhausting. I'm working more hours, I'm caring for my family, I'm housekeeping, and I'm trying to be there for sisters and friends going through rough times and I just feel like I'm reaching that point of dried up coffee filter paper. I feel like at this point in my life is when you have to really start saying no to people. It was easier when we are younger because our time is not as consumed by life's busyness. Now is when all the tides come together and crash. You just have to say no, I can't do that, no I can't help, no I am not available. But saying no is hard, esp for someone like me who cares deeply for all of those around me and wants to help.
How can I be my best helpful self when I'm depleting all the energy I have which therefore makes me more grouchy with my son and husband. I just wish someone could teach me how to live this busy life we are now a part of and make it work without feeling exhausted.
Its more then that though, I'm dealing with a change of tides with family. Things have shifted and now I have to take on a role that I have been absent from for many years. And quite honestly its exhausting. I'm working more hours, I'm caring for my family, I'm housekeeping, and I'm trying to be there for sisters and friends going through rough times and I just feel like I'm reaching that point of dried up coffee filter paper. I feel like at this point in my life is when you have to really start saying no to people. It was easier when we are younger because our time is not as consumed by life's busyness. Now is when all the tides come together and crash. You just have to say no, I can't do that, no I can't help, no I am not available. But saying no is hard, esp for someone like me who cares deeply for all of those around me and wants to help.
How can I be my best helpful self when I'm depleting all the energy I have which therefore makes me more grouchy with my son and husband. I just wish someone could teach me how to live this busy life we are now a part of and make it work without feeling exhausted.
Friday, February 3, 2012
We should all learn to just wait for the ice cream truck
The ice cream truck bell is far away, who knows how long it will take to arrive because it depends on how many children are out waiting on their driveways. Ice cream trucks arose in a time when life was more simple.
I saw the ARTIST last night, the last time I saw a silent movie was during film class back in college, era:1998.. how
I loved that class, it opened my eyes up to the beauty of films in a different way then I had ever watched them.
The Artist which is showing right now at theatres is a black and white silent movie. One would on first instinct think...yuck...silent....boring....black and white..unappealing...
And that is what I thought the first time I watched a silent film in that class 15 years ago.....at first. Once I gave up my guard of "I'm not going to like it" and really got into the movie I realized I loved it! I think it might have been a Charlie Chapman film.
The Artist was the same way, I felt myself tense at first, asking how I would make it through this, would it be entertaining at all, how long will it last. And all of sudden I was swept away laughing, crying, feeling these strong emotions that you do not feel in the films that are produced today. It was with strange irony that I saw this film at this time in my life.
The reason I say this is I am going through some kind of humbling of my life. The magazine Real Simple should be my motto as of late. I am clearing out clutter from all abscesses of my life. I recently shut down my facebook account as I had mentioned in a previous post. And at times I seem scrambled when the loss of that fake friend is not there to jump on and stare at other peoples worlds, I am mostly relieved. Its like living in a busy bustling city full of traffic sounds that you get used to until you go out to the country one day and breathe in the complete simplistic silence. Breathe......in.....Breathe...out.......
I think our society is becoming so intertwined with "stuff", sounds, pictures, texts, posts, information, "likes", that we are losing all sense of just being with ourselves. Life used to be simpler because it allowed us to hear what WE wanted, not what society wanted for us. Just like the Artist movie, it was so refreshing to be entertained by a movie so different then our normal entertainment value.
Next on my list of excavating towards simplicity is getting rid of our cable. I haven't been able to think about doing it because it kind of freaks me out. That is how I relax at night, my way of zoning out into the world that comes right before sleep. How will I relax?? How will I zone?? hmm.....what a thought. I have even programmed my 5 year old child to turn the TV on as soon as he wakes and to pass the hours away even while not watching it but hearing it in the background. That saddens my heart.
As a child I rarely watched TV because we didn't have this plethora of channels awaiting us. I remember playing outside letting my imagination take me to far off lands on the farm. And what could happen if I take that TV away from our family, maybe our imaginations will revisit those lands. Maybe I will actually get out my craft stuff and work on it more, maybe I will find more music that I love, maybe I will read more of those books.
And so it is with baby steps that I make this "simple" journey, slowly opening up the cupboards filled with boredom's busy cobwebs that need swept out and removed. I want to fill my mind with empty space, positive empty space.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Goodbye Facebook?
There comes a time when all things come to an end and one of those things for me might be facebook. FB has been there from the beginning when Alan was born and "status updates" were born right along with him. "Feeding Alan" was my post...and then as facebook became more advanced so did posts about my day. I then realized how the world could see your every pictures, every post and I decided to change all my settings.
Now the new timeline is coming without our say and it is pushing us into more privacy limits. All old posts will be available on "timeline" for random strangers to see "the story of your life". Not so sure I want my past so easily looked up with one click. And so it comes to mind maybe it is time to let go of the book, the entertainment that it provided my stay at home mom days is no longer needed as life demands increase. Yes it will be a sad goodbye because, heck its a yearbook of my life of the past 5 years, pictures, emotions, memories, friends come and gone but also goodbye temptation, goodbye jealousy of other lives, goodbye the world knowing what my life is about without having had talked to me in 5 years. And with that comes a sense of a freedom :)
Now the new timeline is coming without our say and it is pushing us into more privacy limits. All old posts will be available on "timeline" for random strangers to see "the story of your life". Not so sure I want my past so easily looked up with one click. And so it comes to mind maybe it is time to let go of the book, the entertainment that it provided my stay at home mom days is no longer needed as life demands increase. Yes it will be a sad goodbye because, heck its a yearbook of my life of the past 5 years, pictures, emotions, memories, friends come and gone but also goodbye temptation, goodbye jealousy of other lives, goodbye the world knowing what my life is about without having had talked to me in 5 years. And with that comes a sense of a freedom :)
Monday, January 16, 2012
anxiety
Mr. anxiety rolled in last night, hoped he would be gone this morning but awoke up to his unkind face. Wish I was able to go to the gym today to help calm him down but unfort won't be able to. The last few nights I have had little sleep due to busy plans so that might be what brought on the onset of it. I woke up feeling like I want to make a resolution, I'm not usually a resolution girl. I just want to be healthy for awhile, eat better, cut back on drinking during the week, get back into my exercise routine a big thing is try to get to bed by 10 pm. I just want to try all of these things and see how i feel. I have been eating horrible lately because of all the company of family we have had, I have barely cooked homemade meals this month!
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
2012
As I look out at the white landscape that has laid down to rest upon the browning grasses, I wonder what 2012 will hold in future for me this year. 2011 was a good year, low key, lots of positives for people around me. Sometimes I worry when things are going well because you know that life can't stay that way so its important to treasure those positive times.
I feel like I have turned another corner of marriage this past year. They say how marriage is up and down, takes work and sometimes you just have to stick it out to see the new growth that might be buried underneath the ground. That is what I feel like this past year was for me, in the past month I am seeing the green shoots and even the rose bud of what holding to something even in times of darkness can turn into. This past year has taught me how important family is, not taking things for granted, and that everywhere around you people care, even when you don't know it. I think that is one of the most beautiful things of life, when you really care and love people, that is when I feel most complete. And when I let them know that they mean something to me. How often we do not tell all of our friends and loved ones how much they mean to us. Maybe because its too big for words? How can I possibly explain to all of my friends and family that fire I feel in my soul for how grateful I am for everyone of them in my life. How each of them teaches me about myself, how if anyone ever needed me there in a crisis I would be there because I know they would do the same for me. What would this world be without the people around us, nothing but a vast ugly hole because that is the true reality of this life. Love for people.
Since my uncles funeral, I was able to see Randy in a light of love, sometimes that is clouded over with life's anxieties and stresses but I have to say that is what Uncle Carl has given me in his passing. Randy was there to drive my parents, to comfort all of us, to meet this part of the family he has never even known yet he did it with love and respect. And I was like wow, this is who his soul is, this is the real him, not the stressed him. And the neat thing is ever since I feel like we have been positive re enforcing each other. And as with every relationship, I know things cycle and we will go through our lows again but for right now I'm resting in the peace and tranquility of this stage and I am so gracious for it.
I feel like I have turned another corner of marriage this past year. They say how marriage is up and down, takes work and sometimes you just have to stick it out to see the new growth that might be buried underneath the ground. That is what I feel like this past year was for me, in the past month I am seeing the green shoots and even the rose bud of what holding to something even in times of darkness can turn into. This past year has taught me how important family is, not taking things for granted, and that everywhere around you people care, even when you don't know it. I think that is one of the most beautiful things of life, when you really care and love people, that is when I feel most complete. And when I let them know that they mean something to me. How often we do not tell all of our friends and loved ones how much they mean to us. Maybe because its too big for words? How can I possibly explain to all of my friends and family that fire I feel in my soul for how grateful I am for everyone of them in my life. How each of them teaches me about myself, how if anyone ever needed me there in a crisis I would be there because I know they would do the same for me. What would this world be without the people around us, nothing but a vast ugly hole because that is the true reality of this life. Love for people.
Since my uncles funeral, I was able to see Randy in a light of love, sometimes that is clouded over with life's anxieties and stresses but I have to say that is what Uncle Carl has given me in his passing. Randy was there to drive my parents, to comfort all of us, to meet this part of the family he has never even known yet he did it with love and respect. And I was like wow, this is who his soul is, this is the real him, not the stressed him. And the neat thing is ever since I feel like we have been positive re enforcing each other. And as with every relationship, I know things cycle and we will go through our lows again but for right now I'm resting in the peace and tranquility of this stage and I am so gracious for it.
Pretty Song
Beautiful song by Beyonce- "I was here"
I wanna leave my footprints on the sands of time
Know there was something that
Meant something that I left behind
When I leave this world,
I'll leave no regrets
Leave something to remember,
So they won't forget
I was here...
I lived, I loved
I was here...
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here...
I want to say I lived each day,
Until I die
And know that I meant something in somebody's life
The hearts I have touched,
Will be the proof that I leave
That I made a difference
And this world will see
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/b/beyonce/i_was_here.html ]
I was here...
I lived, I loved
I was here...
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here...
I lived, I loved
I was here...
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here...
I just want them to know
That I gave my all,
Did my best
Brought someone some happiness
Left this world a little better just because...
I was here...
I was here...
I lived, I loved
I was here...
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I wanna leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here...
(I lived, I loved)
(I did, I've done)
(I lived, I loved)
(I did, I've done)
I was here...
I wanna leave my footprints on the sands of time
Know there was something that
Meant something that I left behind
When I leave this world,
I'll leave no regrets
Leave something to remember,
So they won't forget
I was here...
I lived, I loved
I was here...
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here...
I want to say I lived each day,
Until I die
And know that I meant something in somebody's life
The hearts I have touched,
Will be the proof that I leave
That I made a difference
And this world will see
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/b/beyonce/i_was_here.html ]
I was here...
I lived, I loved
I was here...
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here...
I lived, I loved
I was here...
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here...
I just want them to know
That I gave my all,
Did my best
Brought someone some happiness
Left this world a little better just because...
I was here...
I was here...
I lived, I loved
I was here...
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I wanna leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here...
(I lived, I loved)
(I did, I've done)
(I lived, I loved)
(I did, I've done)
I was here...
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