Plans change

     I came up to clean our room and make the bed but Jack wanted snuggles and to be held- Plans change.

     So I am now holding him as he drifts into dreamland, listening to some gentle strumming guitar chords on my Pandora radio station.

     I am still in my pjs, hair in a bun and no makeup because I will not be leaving the house due to our car being in the shop- plans change.

    While I hold this sweet baby boy, I feel a warm fuzzy feeling of content.  I did not know this little child would be part of my life a year and a half ago- plans change.

     When I was 18, I had dreams of what I would be doing in life, I did not have a clear intention but thought maybe I would have a cool loft apartment in the city and some retro stylish office job.  Martinis with friends and a cat by my side- plans change.

     Plans change all the time and I'm ok with that because usually the plans that appear are much better then the ones I had in mind :)

I have everything I need

     The holidays are a trying time.  We are bombarded with items we "want", schedules are busier, days are colder and cloudier and  when our hearts should be Merry,sometimes they are not.

     We make it even harder on ourselves with social media.  Seeing a neighbor go on her fifth cruise this YEAR, when I have not even touched a beach in FOUR years!  Seeing a mom drop off their child at school in a BMW SUV when we are just trying to get my 04 civic to last another two years so we only have one car payment. We are constantly bombarded with these situations in our lives. Yet everyone has their struggles.  

   For us, it's financial "weight".  We have been in a tight financial spot since our first child was born eight years ago, which then compounded by a bad house sale, my husbands company having a furlough and then unexpected medical bills.  (Who knew I would break my nose pushing my son in his toy truck on the sidewalk!!)

  It's easy to get caught up in the "weights" that drag you down, whatever they may be.  But as I was laying in bed unable to sleep and praying.  I felt the words come over me: "You have all you need right here." 

    I always love those moments when the Holy Spirit gives me advice.  I feel a wave of intense relaxation, of peace, radiance - and then the words pop into my head.  HE is right, I do have everything I need.  A precious newborn that brings me so much joy, a smart and healthy 8 year old son, a caring husband who like any man has his faults but genuinely cares and works hard for this family. And I have my faith!  

     I can't take "security" with me when I die and there is no guarantee that you will have it when you need it.  Sure, I would love to be digging my heels in the sand in a tropical destination right now but actually I would miss out on wine nights with friends or pizza dinners with extended family. 

     All I need IS right here, it's my friends- it's my family- it's my parents, brothers and sisters.  It's my daily faith, it's the "card making, crescent roll stuffed 

Brie, and belly laughs out of my kids" nights.

It's all right in front of me: going on vacation, buying new clothes, paying off a debt are wonderful things but they are not what gives me true happiness.  All I need is right in my heart, I just need to allow myself the space to open it up <3