Goodbye Facebook?

There comes a time when all things come to an end and one of those things for me might be facebook. FB has been there from the beginning when Alan was born and "status updates" were born right along with him. "Feeding Alan" was my post...and then as facebook became more advanced so did posts about my day. I then realized how the world could see your every pictures, every post and I decided to change all my settings.

Now the new timeline is coming without our say and it is pushing us into more privacy limits. All old posts will be available on "timeline" for random strangers to see "the story of your life". Not so sure I want my past so easily looked up with one click. And so it comes to mind maybe it is time to let go of the book, the entertainment that it provided my stay at home mom days is no longer needed as life demands increase. Yes it will be a sad goodbye because, heck its a yearbook of my life of the past 5 years, pictures, emotions, memories, friends come and gone but also goodbye temptation, goodbye jealousy of other lives, goodbye the world knowing what my life is about without having had talked to me in 5 years. And with that comes a sense of a freedom :)

anxiety

Mr. anxiety rolled in last night, hoped he would be gone this morning but awoke up to his unkind face. Wish I was able to go to the gym today to help calm him down but unfort won't be able to. The last few nights I have had little sleep due to busy plans so that might be what brought on the onset of it.  I woke up feeling like I want to make a resolution, I'm not usually a resolution girl. I just want to be healthy for awhile, eat better, cut back on drinking during the week, get back into my exercise routine a big thing is try to get to bed by 10 pm. I just want to try all of these things and see how i feel. I have been eating horrible lately because of all the company of family we have had, I have barely cooked homemade meals this month!

2012

     As I look out at the white landscape that has laid down to rest upon the browning grasses, I wonder what 2012 will hold in future for me this year. 2011 was a good year, low key, lots of positives for people around me. Sometimes I worry when things are going well because you know that life can't stay that way so its important to treasure those positive times.
    I feel like I have turned another corner of marriage this past year. They say how marriage is up and down, takes work and sometimes you just have to stick it out to see the new growth that might be buried underneath the ground. That is what I feel like this past year was for me, in the past  month I am seeing the green shoots and even the rose bud of what holding to something even in times of darkness can turn into.  This past year has taught me how important family is, not taking things for granted, and that everywhere around you people care, even when you don't know it. I think that is one of the most beautiful things of life, when you really care and love people, that is when I feel most complete. And when I let them know that they mean something to me. How often we do not tell all of our friends and loved ones how much they mean to us. Maybe because its too big for words? How can I possibly explain to all of my friends and family that fire I feel in my soul for how grateful I am for everyone of them in my life. How each of them teaches me about myself, how if anyone ever needed me there in a crisis I would be there because I know they would do the same for me. What would this world be without the people around us, nothing but a vast ugly hole because that is the true reality of this life. Love for people.
     Since my uncles funeral, I was able to see Randy in a light of love, sometimes that is clouded over with life's anxieties and stresses but I have to say that is what Uncle Carl has given me in his passing.  Randy was there to drive my parents, to comfort all of us, to meet this part of the family he has never even known yet he did it with love and respect.  And I was like wow, this is who his soul is, this is the real him, not the stressed him. And the neat thing is ever since I feel like we have been positive re enforcing each other. And as with every relationship, I know things cycle and we will go through our lows again but for right now I'm resting in the peace and tranquility of this stage and I am so gracious for it.



  

Pretty Song

Beautiful song by Beyonce- "I was here"
I wanna leave my footprints on the sands of time
Know there was something that
Meant something that I left behind
When I leave this world,
I'll leave no regrets
Leave something to remember,
So they won't forget

I was here...
I lived, I loved
I was here...
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here...

I want to say I lived each day,
Until I die
And know that I meant something in somebody's life
The hearts I have touched,
Will be the proof that I leave
That I made a difference
And this world will see
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/b/beyonce/i_was_here.html ]
I was here...
I lived, I loved
I was here...
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know

I was here...
I lived, I loved
I was here...
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here...

I just want them to know
That I gave my all,
Did my best
Brought someone some happiness
Left this world a little better just because...
I was here...

I was here...
I lived, I loved
I was here...
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I wanna leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here...

(I lived, I loved)
(I did, I've done)
(I lived, I loved)
(I did, I've done)
I was here...