Wisdom

I'm truly learning that with time comes wisdom.  Maybe some things just can't be learned when we are young, or maybe denial is so strong that it takes chips to knock down the iceberg? Whatever it is, I've made progress.

    I'm walking away from the denial, and I'm learning about how I can make MYself better when some things might never change.  I can't make him stop drinking,but I can control how it makes me feel.  And I'm tired, soooo tired of letting it make me feel sad... And mad... And disappointed.  So I pick up my crown and I place it on my head because I'm my own ruler.  I will not be codependent on you for my own happiness.  I will not pick up your slack to keep things going, to give the shiny impression. You have chosen how to spend your nights and you have chosen your lover.  And I will no longer be weighed down to being chosen second.  I deserve more then that.  And it doesn't mean I do not love you, it doesn't mean I will leave you and it doesn't mean you are a bad person.  But it does mean that it does not have to affect me the same way anymore.  Today is different.  Today I've stepped out of the clouds. 

Codependency

Coming out of the clouds of codependency 

I walk forward, a strange warm sensation tickles my skin..they call it sunlight. It's burning but in a good way, relaxing my thoughts, comforting me in its golden hand.  I'm a little weary of this stranger. I've spent so long under the coolness of the clouds that I'm almost blinded by the strong light. So approachable and why? Why do you want to kiss my lips with orange and send goosebumps across my body.  Why do you want to make me feel so good? Shining with kindness, when I want to throw up my umbrella that used to shield me from the tears of rain. It bends around the umbrella, looking for holes it can peek through.  How does this sunlight bend? Shadows do not bend, they just blanket and keep me cold.  Iced in and quiet. 

I reach out and accept the ray as it extends toward me.  I'll walk with you sun, heal me and refresh this weary soul.