Companion

Uncertain...

It eats at you when things aren't known. 

I want to take action now, I want answers, I want tests, I want to know why this has occurred 4 times in a week. 

I remember when he was born and holding him in the hospital and crying tears because I was worried that something was wrong with him.  There was this look in his eyes, like a wise knowledge that he was trying to tell me.

And tonight I need my other half, I need someone laying next to me comforting me, soothing my troubles and telling me it will be ok.  But as usual the drink has you, even in times like this you can't pull yourself away from its grasp.

And so I hate you, I hate you tonight for not being there.  And I draw upon my inner strength that us women have and its my companion.  

Scent

I walked in Jacks room today and smelled that amazing baby scent.  Alans room had that as a baby too- it's a mixture of baby soap, lotion and just comfort. 

Jack makes me so happy- he's at that age of such innocence and wonder.  Learning and growth and trying to please.  When he only does wrong becuase he does not know- how refreshing to be reminded of this age.  With the big age gap, it's easy to forget about it- dealing with pre teen emotions and drama.  

And then I hear Jack say "yarbage yuck" or garbage truck and I smile to myself- because I'm so lucky, so lucky that God gave me his little soul when he knew I would need it <3

http://thoughtcatalog.com/anonymous/2013/06/a-letter-to-my-first-love-from-a-married-person/