Thirsty

I'm thirsty, I know this... Not for the cold liquid that we drink to fulfill our human needs. I'm thirsty for real love, I'm thirsty for self acceptance. I recently heard on the radio that people are often jealous of other people's lives that they see on face book. And that social media seems to be emphasizing it. As humans we have always been this way but now its easier because everything is right there in our face. And its true, you log onto face book and say "wow, I wish I could do that photography, have that marriage, have kids like that, decorate my house that way, have that dream job". I wonder what this will bring about with the next generation, will it be even more competing then we already do with eachother?

Anyways back to my thirst... I was reading some one's blog that was talking about how she did a fast and it cut out all sugar, processed, caffeine, meat, etc. food. And it also brought about all these emotions as she went through the fast and she realized how she leans on food as her comfort. It got me thinking how my glass of wine or beer at the end of the night is my crutch. When I'm feeling my loneliness from not having a "real" conversation with my husband, then I grab my one or two glasses of wine, punch on the TV and zone into the world that distracts me from what I'm internally craving.  Would I be able to do a fast at night, to break free from the addictions I seek to give me comfort. Even TV would be one, what if I journal ed or read a book each night instead? I have been having this strong urge to go away to solitude lately. I wonder if I'm being called to go on a silent retreat. I think God has a lot he wants to speak with me about but I've been blocking him out with all my distractions lately. I know there are demons I need to face and confront. Just as in the Black Swan movie I saw tonight. 
Today I laughed...it almost took me back by surprise because it was a real true, soul shattering, chest vibrating laugh. I was outside sledding with Alan. The snow was packed with ice from the storm and the wind so Alan could walk atop of it like magic (unfort. I was too heavy and my feet would fall through) I was pushing Alan on the circle sled across the slippery ice and he was loving it. I was laughing seeing him delight in this pleasure he had never partaken in before. Such innocence and adventures children get to experience. Ours long forgotten in the cobwebs of our childhood. I need to laugh like that everyday..