Feb. 14th, 1999 was yesterday...valentines day... A time when people are either really happy or totally depressed. I was surprisingly neither. Life is odd. People are odd.... I wrote this yesterday.
"Do you want a back rub? " I asked Josh while he laid on the couch.
"Sure" he said as he rolled over.
Nothing was running through my mind, just innocent mindless thoughts. Earlier events in the night had my mind turning. Hmmm, I just totally said two different things in one sentence.
I couldn't rid the image of her eyes staring into his wantingly. Not knowing that mine had stared into his a aweek ago.
But for the moment it was just him and I.
I started my innocent back rub while we talked of frivolous things. Someone burst in through the door without knocking. It was his roomate Matt, he seemed very upset. Nothing new though, he was always losing his temper.
"Your friend is a fucking fago" the upset roomate yelled at him. I stopped my back rub, annoyed at the peaceful silence being disturbed. Sam started yelling ballistically. I knew he had been drinking with Josh's friend earlier. Male egos at work trying to see who was more of a so called man.
"Get him the fuck out of here, I never want to see his punkass again. He tried to kiss me, and make me suck his dick, Fucking fagot!" Matt yelled at Josh.
Just went things were going smoothly for me and Josh. My luck, catastrphe happens. Josh collectively tried to calm down his flipping roomate. This just make him appear even more sexy to me. Matt went out in the hall, a 20 year old football player crying hysterically..
I didn't know what ot think. Did something happen or was it the alcohol?
Josh and I spent two hours putting Matt in his right mind. Insanity almost. I look back and it felt like a dream. The whole nightmare of it. He listened to his roomate/friend talk about killing his visiting friend. I knew all that was running through his head was just blame at himself.
I had one hand on Matt calming his still schizophrenic state and the other on Josh's knee. Josh's head sinking lower and lower with each insult about his friend. Not sure who holds the real truth.
Once again him and I laying on the couch. Nestled in each others arms consoling each other at the fright of happenings that just occurred. I grab a came red from its package and ignite the end. Breathing in the deadly fumes of smoke, exhaling the stress of the night. His eyes are somewhere far away asking why this all happened to him. We fall asleep.
The next day, Matt is normal, yet I know something now. I witnessed something that only the three of us know about. Life has changed, made me think. Exactly the purpose of alcohol. Evil it brings? To this I wonder.
Gathered around the homemade table, each one entertained by a monotonous game of cards. Purpose of cards, take our mind of things important. Make us think we are in control of what happens in our lives. Room filled of burnt ashes, cigarette smoke curls around each one's thoughts kept to one's self. He a smooth character, his hair soft, his heart soft, his thoughts hard. Deep, curious yet reason to why he is here. I am not sure, he is not sure. Next is Josh, he entered late and is observing the game. Waching, not wanting to see his roomate and be reminded of the yesterdays crazy night. He talks to the group who seems uninterested in his ideas. Does he feel out of place or just anxious. Maybe relieved that he doesn't have to explain himself to anyone in here.
Next ot him, sits a biginner at Hearts. Not getting any beginners luck. Just trying to learn the catch of the game. I sit to the right, thoughts unfocused flowing on this paper. Wanting to sleep for morning will come early yet these crazy ideas pump adrenaline to my brain.
Continuing around the table, is she, innocent going along with the flow. Part of me frustrated for she takes my place and I once again a third wheel.
And last is the other she. Always making sure she is part of the center. Talking usually of unhappy thoughts she has. Other times pretending to be someone else. Happy, carefree, in charge yet really scared.
All of these shape the room of a typical day. What is each one's danger?...hmmm this is what I am to learn from each.
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